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heathermariezi
lost at sea in the wonders of oblivion
 
#
dreams of tomorrow

Hold Me Now My Dream Of Endless

Hold me tightly bound

Don’t let go, for I won’t move

And I won’t make a sound

This is what I have waited for

Waited long to do

You never thought I would let him go

But I did it all for you

Hold Me Now My Dream Of Sleep

It seems I haven’t had in years

It’s been a while since I closed my eyes

Stinging blood-stained tears

I dream awake thinking of you

And this day I hope to see

For on this day I let you know

I wanted you to be with me

Hold Me Now My Dream Of Love

That I seek someday come true

Tuck me under longing arms

Tuck me into you

Hold me sleeping on you forever

Hold me eternally

Sleep me now oh distant holding

Sleep me now with me

No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
#
Sleep me now oh distant feeling
Sleep Me Now Oh Distant Fear
let me go out cold
release this grasp so tight on me
withdraw your strong held hold
Sleep Me Now Oh Distant Sorrow
with pain beneath my skin
unlock the cage which holds me so
never tell my battle within'
Sleep Me Now Oh Distant Love Song
melt me without waste
show me what i've never felt
show me without haste
Sleep Me Now Oh Distant Feeling
never i've had before
don't tell the world i had it today
for they don't know me anymore
Sleep Me Now Oh Distant Heartbeat
the world hasn't given you
don't show me grief anymore
for you weren't sposed to know too
Sleep Me Now Oh Innocent Traveler
tell me all your fears
i won't tell anyone about you
i will cause you no more tears
Sleep Me Now Oh Distant Death(sentence)
your sweet and innocent hold
don't give the world any of your grief
that's not what they want to be told
 
#
crazy me
Not alone
Not even here
Non-existent
Living fear
Dyeing soul
Hopeless life
Uncontrolled
Killing knife
Shaking hands
Broken heart
Slitted skin
Blood-stained tart
Nicely done
Perfect slide
Won’t stop
Don’t hide
No chance
No escape
Die to death
Foreseen rape
 
#
my masked empty heart
I wear the mask that grins and lies
It hides my cheeks and shades my eyes
While hiding my own identity
All I ever want is someone to see
Falling further in this shadow, I hide
The ugly mask laying tears aside
Living a life of fear and regret
I haven’t reached a place of happiness, yet
Someday, somehow I will allow someone to see
What’s deep within, covered up by me
I won’t die, I won’t even grieve
But someday, somehow I will have to leave
Run away to once, be free
And let someone get to know the real me
To rip off this mask that pardons me so
Although it may be hard to let go
It’ll be hard to let a person see
What’s buried in the heart of me
The burning flame that’s deep within
My face disguised by a jealousy grin
Left or right, which way to go
Now or never, when to show
Die to death, I’ll die to life
Death be short, ending strife
End the days and the longer nights
Add some happy shining lights
Life isn’t ‘sposed to be like this
My life as a pass-her-by can be easy to miss
You won’t even notice what I am holding back
For its honesty and an open mask that I lack
No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
#
never taking it off

I take off my mask to be set free

The side of me no one expected to see

The face revealing painful days

Of fateful, lifeless, terrible ways

The pain no one thought was true

Killing and breaking the heart of you

Take off my mask, only I dream

Float away, and only I, who deem

I take off my mask to be set free

The life that no one sees in me

The hope that I may seem to portray

But inside, in my heart, I am fading away

Caged and consumed, daily I die

Behind my smile, inside to cry

Trying not to fall all the way down

Hoping nobody sees me frown

I take off my mask to be set free

Finally I will be who I want to be

No more hearing what I have to do

I don’t have to listen to you

I’ll achieve it all, all for me

All I have to be is who I wanna be

No more trying to please the rest

Meeting my own standards, I will be the best

I take off my mask to be set free

Alive and awakened,

         I only have to be me

 
#
SHE*

She was happy in her teens

Life was in her own hands

Yet a lonely apartment and a baby

Weren’t in her plans

He had ruined her life

He’s the easiest to blame

Blocking out the memories

‘I don’t remember his own name’

Why remember the past

I’ll just rot thinking of the new

What’s the reasoning behind your ideas?

What’s wrong with you

Why won’t you leave me alone

The day and the night

Creating only pain for me

Don’t try to make things right

I’ll die to you and thinking

Nobody in life will care

I’ll just leave and no one will notice

That I’m not even there

What’s the difference at the table

That I don’t get to sit

Nobody will notice

I didn’t mean a bit

I’m living in a cage

Dead to an innocent few

Those who didn’t notice

I wasn’t there too

 
#
lacking it all**

I wear the mask that grins and lies

It hides my cheeks and shades my eyes

While hiding my own identity

All I ever want is someone to see

Falling further in this shadow, I hide

The ugly mask laying tears aside

Living a life of fear and regret

I haven’t reached a place of happiness, yet

Someday, somehow I will allow someone to see

What’s deep within, covered up by me

I won’t die, I won’t even grieve

But someday, somehow I will have to leave

Run away to once, be free

And let someone get to know the real me

To rip off this mask that pardons me so

Although it may be hard to let go

It’ll be hard to let a person see

What’s buried in the heart of me

The burning flame that’s deep within

My face disguised by a jealousy grin

Left or right, which way to go

Now or never, when to show

Die to death, I’ll die to life

Death be short, ending strife

End the days and the longer nights

Add some happy shining lights

Life isn’t ‘sposed to be like this

My life as a pass-her-by can be easy to miss

You won’t even notice what I am holding back

For its honesty and an open mask that I lack

 
#
never again
i don't know how much longer i can handle this.it seems like i have given up the one thing i like in order to gain even bigger problems.i have seen it all,i have taken it all,therefore why can't i do it all?why can't i be in charge of me?leave me alone!!!i am tired of hiding from you and trying not to breath the gasps of air that i percieve to be the only lifeline to my pittiful self being.i don't want to see you anymore.i don't want to see things no one else does.i want to be normal.why have you turned me into this.why can't i feed off of other things,things that just don't hurt?what can i do to get rid of you?i can't kill you because i have already tried and ended up in the same place i started,the same place i died
 
#

*I HAVE A CAPE*

We knock upon an empty door

The same sins we’ve visited before

The same knot we’re already in

We’re mad because we didn’t win

Disappointment eats us up alive

Because on our own failure,we strive

Until the pain can go on no more

The same exact sins we had before

Even though we know it’s wrong

We’ve been visiting far too long

The empty door with no one there

The useless thing that doesn’t care

What happened to the life you had

You got caught up and ended up sad

The worldly things that no one knew

Ate up even the strength of you

You were the strongest, yet you’re so weak

You’ve been consumed, too shocked to speak

They thought you were so smart, and you’d never be sucked in

Even you thought you’d win

But now your stuck with no escape

Too bad your mask became a cape

No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
#
*Crooked pencil*
CROOKED PENCIL DO YOU CARE
DO YOU HAVE A MIND THAT'S THERE
IF I TALK WILL YOU HOLD IT IN
WHEN I LOOK AT YOU,ALL I WANT'S A GRIN
YOU MAY BE THE BEST FRIEND OF MANY MORE
FOR I NEVER THOUGHT OF TALKING TO YOU BEFORE
YOUR THE BEST FRIEND I EVER MET
YOU MAY BE THE SMARTEST EVEN YET
JUST SIT THERE AND NOD YOUR HEAD
I WON'T GET MAD AT YOU FOR WHAT YOU SAID
I WILL JUST PRETEND YOU CARE
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE A MIND THAT'S THERE
 
#
'two*or*two'

shaken but not destroyed
released but taken back
these butterflies let go
and gained what they did lack

now back to being caged
there life's been masked once more
releasing made them want
what sins they had before

if death shall end this pain
then so be the day i die
if life shall be destroyed
so live my longest lie

the form to which they fly
won't change with passing rain
so do what you please
you will only add to the pain

the endless pain to which i fall
weak and faint each day
will only get harder
i will never fly away

i will never get that luxury
to let go and fly above
i don't want to feel you
i want to feel your love

the love i had and let go of
not noticing my mistake
how stupid i was
now my tears to run a lake

if i could turn back time
i'd of done anything for you
when you said i love you
i'd say 'i love you too'

No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
#
*fallen butterflies*sha... dragonflies*
what's this distant feeling
that's staying all night long
i am feeling too weak
your feeling too strong
i hope we'll always be close
but right know i am feeling distant
i don't have the power
alone to be resistant
it's either on or the other
real close or real far
i have already chosen
now it's up to you and who you are
dreams are overlapping
time is standing still
all heart is running cold
against my own will
i want to be happy
and to forever be loved back
i want to reach that place
but patience is what i lack
my dreams have changed so much now
from what they have been before
they had no choice but to diminish
and give up what they have longed for
the selfish desires that they crave
and thirst for all their days
can only go away for a short time
before returning to claim their old ways
they will shred my only being
and rip my soul in two
for what my heart longs for
is just to be with you
No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
#
'Impacted but not noticed'

By ***ZI***
School: christian heritage academy
Age: 14
Country: U<S>A

she walked around like nothing was wrong
her heart was dimmed and cold
all she wanted was to hold his hand
but his hate was all he told
looking past her smile
and shaking his own head
masked was his heart
regardless what he said
faint and with ease
he walked passed her each day
until that fateful evening
shocking the words he would say
even though he didn't know her
he made assumptions like he did
she buried her face in her hands
and realized he's the one who hid
the masked and fateful hearts that cry
with sorrow in their soul
she remembered him as someone
who made the biggest hole
the biggest pain inside her life
he hadn't even thought
he said those words so carelessly
inside her they would rot
she thought as though she shouldn't care
because he didn't even see
see the pain he created in her life
and the influence he would be
the choices he made later
changed the lives of many more
because of that one girl
he hadn't thought about before

About the Author/Author Notes:
the love of the reject

No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling
 
#
Today-the day which thou shall not remember
In order to redeem myself of any anti-social reputation I have created, I climbed onto this stuffy run-down van in which I would attempt to speak the thoughts that typically remain sheltered in my head. Seclusion sounds very nice right now, an empty freezing room to which I may find shelter in a nice lonely corner. By the way my name is   katherine ,I know not who I am nor the reason I have chosen to write anything about myself, but I have started so may as well continue. My friend, or, more than a friend, is grounded from the phone, and ultimately, from me. Her name is to remain anonymous at this point in my ramblings, although she is a vital part in this secluded life of mine. If ever to speak of a day such as this, whisper, for it shan’t be heard by anyone other than the two of us. In hopes of finding my true self, I may choose to consult the other personality inside this thing they call my head. Countless days I have found myself staring into the sky and dreaming of having the life which I have always longed for. When prince charming shall knock upon the door and sling me into the wall and do the incitingly amazing things to which I may imagine without seizing. The un-thinkable, un-imaginable shall seize to pass and exceed its own occurrence. Re-occurring dreams have turned into those addictive nightmares, so therefore sleeping is no where near a relative possibility
No lucky innocent bistanders - one more jab
 
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